December 25, 2019

What Christmas is all about | Personal | Sarah Tapp Photography

Well, this year has been pretty rough for me and even though I pride myself on being ‘perfect’ I have had some serious doubts and struggles. One of them being my faith. I’ve always thought of myself as very obedient and definitely not a rule-breaker. I’ve been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my whole life and I’ve loved it! But in the past couple months, I’ve realized that I’ve just been going through the motions for a couple years. And that hit me hard.

I’ve always thought that I’ve tried to be a Christ-like person and that my Savior has always been the center of my life. But moving to Oregon has gotten me suuuuppper far outside my comfort zone and helped me realize that my relationship with my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ has been lacking.

Now, I’m sure you’re all thinking, okay, but what does this have to do with Christmas? . . . Luckily, I realized that I needed to work on my relationship with my Savior before Christmas came this year. And since I’ve been trying harder to talk with Him and to confide in Him . . . and to be real with Him and with myself (and not a perfectionist), I’ve been able to see Christmas in a whole new light.

I’ve actually enjoyed Christmas music (which I normally don’t). I’ve been so excited about celebrating with just our little family and I’ve been more willing to give and to realize that everything is not all about me. Over and over again the past couple months, Christ has been answering my prayers in small and simple ways. And that has been strengthening my faith in Him and my faith in myself. I’ve been able to let go more than I usually do and I’ve really been able to focus on what matters most. And boy, have I seen the blessings.

Every year, I make a goal for myself and a goal to my Savior. I pick one word or phrase and I focus on that each year and that’s the gift that I give to Christ. And like I said, the past couple years, I’ve just been going through the motions. So, while I’ve picked a word each year, I haven’t really done much with it. . . . This year my word was ‘lift’. And unfortunately, I don’t feel like I did much lifting. In fact, I feel like other people lifted me WAY more than I lifted them. But . . . I’m learning that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s OKAY NOT TO BE PERFECT! So, for this next year, 2020, I’m trying to really think about my word (or phrase), about my gift to the Savior. Because He is the reason for the season. As cheesy as that sounds. He is always there for me, even if I don’t come to Him for a while. And that’s amazing to me. So . . . maybe you can help me pick my word for this year.

Joy, Relax, Let go, Authentic, Enjoy, Steadfast, Defend, Believe, Real, Immovable, Doubt not fear not

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