Wow. Having a baby is CRAZY! After having a miscarriage in October of 2015, I was super excited and also SO NERVOUS to be pregnant in April of 2016. By the time Adalynn was ready to come, it still hadn’t quite hit me yet that I was going to be a mom.
Labor was rough. Contractions were not fun, but I really wanted to have a natural, non-medicated birth. Well, after 12 hours of labor and practically ZERO progress, I knew there was no way I could make it without and epidural. But, I’ll tell you, it’s not easy asking for help, especially when you’ve had an immune disorder that made your legs numb (read more about that here). Talk about paranoid. Yep, I totally had a breakdown. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t handle it on my own. And if you know me at all, you’ll know that I hate asking for help. I’m very independent and I don’t like it when people wait on me hand and foot. I didn’t want to be stuck in a hospital bed with monitors connected to me for the rest of my labor.
But, there’s no way I could have done it on my own. My husband, mom and dad and nurse all let me know that it was okay and that I wasn’t any less strong because I needed an epidural. 12 hours later, our sweet Adalynn finally came into this world at 11:24 pm on December 30th, 2016. She was 7.7lbs and 20.5 inches long. Luckily, I only had to push for about 30 minutes! And I remember the second she came out, they plopped her on my belly and I was amazed! I couldn’t believe that this beautiful baby girl with TONS of dark hair came out of me. I couldn’t believe that she was mine and that I was a mom.
The first month is a little bit of a blur…especially since I struggled with breastfeeding and had mastitis for 3 weeks. I remember being so frustrated that breastfeeding was so difficult for me. She wouldn’t latch very well and I was constantly worried that she wasn’t getting enough food. Those nights and days were sleepless and I struggled with my new role as a mother.
Thankfully, my husband jumped in and took care of Adalynn every single second of the day, except for when she was eating. I was on pain meds, antibiotics and I was exhausted. I was so torn between trying to continue breastfeeding and just giving up all together. My mom was over one day and I was having, yet again another breakdown. Don’t worry, these were pretty common the first month or so of Adalynn’s life. And I remember my mom saying, ‘You just need to have faith, and focus on the positive’. And that made a world of difference for me!
It got to the point, that breastfeeding was so painful that I didn’t want to feed Adalynn and every time I did feed her, I would end up bawling because of the pain. That was when I knew that I had to let go of my stupid pride and do what was best for Adalynn and best for me.
My first labor and birth were nothing like I expected but everything I needed. I learned some hard lessons, but have seen amazing rewards because of them. I didn’t know how hard being a mom would be, but I also didn’t know how many blessings I would receive because of it.