July 19, 2021

On the move again | Personal | Sarah Tapp Photography

Oh man, I have been thinking about how to write this update for a while now. … And I’m not even sure I know how. But here goes… Whew…. We are moving back to Idaho! Both mine and my husbands families live in Idaho and when we moved away 2 years ago, it felt like I was leaving my heart behind. Idaho was my home, my comfort, my security, my safety, my everything. It’s where I met my husband, got married and had my babies. Moving to Oregon was one of, if not the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And if you wanna read more about that, I have several blog posts about it.

But, God knew I needed that move. When we first talked about moving to Oregon, I knew it would be good for me even if it was hard. I thought it was a chance for me to help the people here, in Oregon. … Little did I know, that Oregon would be the place that I would find myself and learn to be less judgmental, more understanding, kinder, more patient, and more loving. It’s the place that I’ve learned about grace and worth and about my Savior. … Shortly after we moved to Oregon, it seemed like my whole world fell apart. I was overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. I was sad and didn’t know why and I’m sure I was in denial. … I hated Oregon. I didn’t want to be here at all. And every time we went back to Idaho to visit, I would be in a slump for weeks after we got back because my heart was still there. I was holding all my emotions in, not feeling them because it was too hard. … And eventually, I couldn’t hold the flood gates any longer. Anger was the first thing that came out. I was just mad! And instead of focusing on my blessings, I just looked at everything we didn’t have. … Went on like this for several months, occasionally adding in some sadness, grief and pain. … But during this time, I also realized that something was wrong. I knew I needed to figure some things out. So, I started by reading self help books, which was mostly for my business, but actually turned out to be for my soul. … I started to not miss home so much and we bought a home here which helped a ton! I started going to counseling to figure out all my jumbled thoughts. And things started to turn around.

I still remember one day I was driving to work and for the first time in a LONG time, I felt joy. I had a glimpse of hope through the darkness. And it was amazing. … I guess I’ve always felt like feeling emotions was a sign of weakness. And I especially felt like being vulnerable was a plea for help, for attention. Boy was I wrong! I have learned so much about processing emotions and being vulnerable… and I’m sure that’s why this post is so transparent. … Eventually, I started to not hate it here. And then I started to not mind it, then to like it, then to notice the beauty in it, and then to love it. …And now I don’t wanna leave. … I guess God is trying to teach me to have faith and trust in Him. Because this is hard. SO HARD. I never ever thought I would want to stay in Oregon. My family is in Idaho, my support system, my home, my friends. And don’t get me wrong, I am SO excited to be able to be close to them again. … But Oregon has come to have a very special place in my heart … and it’s hard to leave that behind. … And of course, when we moved to Oregon, I was numb. I didn’t want to think about moving away from home, so I didn’t. But I’ve grown a lot since then … and now I’m feeling ALLLLL the feels. haha.

It’s amazing the hand that God has in our lives. … When we moved to Oregon, we literally had only ONE option for housing. We moved in and I met beautiful people, inside and out, that welcomed me and my family. I met women that had just moved here too and were away from their families and friends and who had to start all over just like us. And I became really close to them. … And then we decided we wanted to buy a house which took us to a different city in the valley just months before a fire that went straight by our old place. We also bought right before covid and the housing spike. And then our church was piloting a new emotional resilience class where I learned alllll about processing emotions and leaning on the Savior through it. … I found my counselor though some church friends … I was called into a calling where I met amazing women that have become dear friends. And then another calling that I was totally shocked by and through it, learned a little more about personal revelation. …Went on a girls trip without my kids and when I got back, both my husband and I realized that it might be time for a change. For him to stay home and for me to work. But of course, I can’t make as much as he can, so we just kept going as it was. … And then my husband said he felt like we would be moving back to Idaho and it would be sooner than we thought. … This was a couple months ago and I just disregarded it because I was finally happy in Oregon. We started talking about buying property in Oregon to eventually start a wedding venue, which has been my dream for a long time. …But we couldn’t afford it, which felt crushing. We started to save .. and then a job opportunity came up in Idaho for me. … And I had to apply. … Interviewed, and got the job! YEAH! … And we’re selling our house after owning it for just a year and we’ll still make a profit. Say, what!?

… This move to Oregon really shook my faith … And I know that God helped me to see His hand in every detail of our lives so that I wouldn’t completely lose my faith. It seems like everything happened for a reason and in exactly the timeframe it needed to happen. … I’ve fought a LOT of these experiences and changes and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still fighting. Because I am. … But I’m grateful. I’m so grateful for every step along the way. For every hard time, for every overwhelmed prayer and plea, for every person I’ve met, for every lesson I’ve learned. And even though now it feels like I’m leaving my heart in Oregon, I will forever be changed because of our time here. I may not love all the taxes, but I love the beauty, the scenery, the environment, the people and most of all, who I’ve become because of my time here. Oregon will forever have a piece of my heart and I am so grateful.

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