the journal

Since there’s a few new faces around here and since I’m in a new place, I thought I would share just a little sneak peak into a part of my story.

I remember waking up one morning when I was 12 years old and immediately collapsing upon standing. I re-gained my strength and just chalked it up to maybe my legs falling asleep during the night. No big deal. I went on with my day and my feet started to feel a little tingly. Over the next day or so, it just got worse and worse and I was finding it hard to get the strength I needed to walk. But, I was in dance at the time so I figured it was probably just sore muscles. And then when the tingling got all the up my legs and I literally couldn’t walk by myself, I knew something was wrong. My mom took me to the Doctor’s office and after we described my symptoms, the Doctor left the room and said he would be back soon. At this point, I was really scared. It seemed like they had no idea what was wrong with me. After what felt like eternity, the Doctor came back in and said they needed to send me to the hospital to get an MRI done. They didn’t say what was wrong or what I had or even tell us why I needed the MRI. They just sent us off (or least that’s how I remember feeling about it). We got to the hospital and checked in and they sent me straight down to get the MRI. I remember being so scared and so annoyed because I couldn’t eat anything and I was starving! Going into the MRI machine was maybe one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced in my life. Partly because I’m super claustrophobic and partly because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and it seemed like no one else did either. But I couldn’t walk and my legs almost felt like they weren’t even there. And going from being super healthy to this was terrifying.

I don’t remember much after the MRI except that I did get to eat! A numerologist met with us and said I had something called Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS). It’s a super rare auto-immune disorder and typically happens in elderly people. Basically, it’s when your immune system thinks that your nervous system is an invader and it attacks. So, my immune system was attacking my own body and I couldn’t get the message from my brain to my legs to tell them to move. I was in the hospital for 5 days with an auto-immune booster and then it took 6 months of physical therapy for me to learn how to walk again. Needless to say, it was kind of a big deal. Especially for a 12 year old. They don’t know why I had it or what brought it on, but at least they knew how to treat it. Since then, I’ve had shingles, thrush and was diagnosed with IBS in 2016. And now I’m seeing an arthritis specialist for joint and nerve pain.

I don’t share this because I want your sympathy or because I want you to feel bad for me. I share it because just maybe someone else has struggled too. Health problems are hard and I think it’s kind of taboo in our world to talk about them because we’re told by everyone that we should just deal with it and be perfect anyways. But being healthy or un-healthy has a huge affect on our lives and on the lives of those around us. My road with health has not been easy and I’m constantly frustrated that my body isn’t perfect. But then I’m reminded that we don’t have to be perfect and that we’re sent here to learn how to overcome our imperfections, whether they are given to us or whether we’re the ones that bring them on.

In my faith, we believe that our bodies are temples and that God gave them to us and they are His. And that our spirits are separate from our bodies and that they live on even when our bodies stop living. And that is profound. I mean, just think about our bodies and all the functions they perform for us. It’s amazing. I don’t even understand it all nor do I think I could comprehend it all. But I do know that even though our bodies aren’t perfect, one day they will be. And even though I struggle on a daily basis with my body, I’m grateful that at least I have one. So, to those of you struggling, just remember to get up and do the best you can. You can live a fulfilling and happy life even with health problems. ANY type of health problem, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. We’re meant to be happy and it’s how we deal with our trials and struggles that makes us who we are. So don’t give up but always be patient with yourself and remember you’re doing the best you can. ❤️❤️❤️