Okay, who’s heard about love languages? When Geoff and I got married we received the book ‘The 5 Love Languages’ as a gift. I’ll admit, we didn’t read it all, but we did go through and take the quiz online to figure out our love languages and it has helped SO MUCH! There are 5 love languages! 1~words of affirmation, 2~acts of service, 3~receiving gifts, 4~quality time and 5~physical touch. Each one is so different and it’s super important to figure out what your love language is and what your spouses love language is. The quiz on the 5 Love Languages website is super helpful! It has you answer a bunch of questions about what means more to you and then it ranks your love languages in order!
My first love language is quality time. So, if my husband is trying to compliment me with kind words, it doesn’t mean as much to me as when he spends quality time with me. Luckily, his love language is the same as mine so we just have to make sure we take time for each other. One of the ways we do this is by having weekly date nights. We decided to make it a priority when we were engaged to have one night a week with no distractions. We put our phones away and we just focus on each other. We take turns planning so we can each do something we like to do. And this has made a HUGE difference in our marriage. I remember after our first daughter was born, we didn’t have a date night for like a month and half and it was SO ROUGH! We were frustrated with each other and with our daughter so we finally decided we needed to have a date. And it wasn’t a quick fix, but it did help us to re-connect and be a little more patient with each other. Another thing we have tried to do, but aren’t always the best at, is quality time together after our daughter goes to bed. Instead of just doing our own thing, we try to find something to do together. Which is actually super difficult for us because we have different tastes in everything and way different hobbies! But, when we take the time to do something together, our relationship is always strengthened.
So, what’s your love language? Figure it out and figure out your spouse’s love language too! That way, if they’re love language is receiving gifts, you know exactly what you need to do to cheer them up! I was actually talking with a friend of mine about this. For Christmas one year, my husband wrapped up some money and put sticky notes on it with gift ideas. He doesn’t like shopping for me so he thought this would be a cute way to still give me a gift, but let me choose it. And I told my friend about this and she said she wouldn’t appreciate that. Her husband actually goes shopping for her and will get her gifts and even if it’s the wrong size or something she has to exchange, she still loves that he took the time to get her something that he thought she would like and appreciate. Her love language is different than mine, so different things mean more to her than they would to me.
And this is true for every person! None of us are the same and even though my husband and I have the same love language, sometimes our idea of quality time is different. So, we still have to work to connect with each other in a way that means more to the other person. I know that it may seem kind of silly to figure out your love language and to try and make sure you ‘speak’ your spouses love language too. But I promise that if you actually take the time and make an effort, your relationship will be strengthened. I’ve seen a huge difference in my relationship with my husband when I am trying to ‘speak’ his love language and when he makes an effort to ‘speak’ mine. It helps us connect and stay close and it will do the same for you!