Well, this year has definitely been a whirlwind and I hate to admit that I’ve spent a lot of the year being frustrated. .. I’ve realized I’m quite a control freak. So, when things seem to be out of my control, I get really upset… and stressed. haha. So, I was SO looking forward to Christmas this year. Hoping I’d be able to slow down and focus on what matters most … instead of being frustrated.
… Now, I can’t exactly say that I’ve been less frustrated. But, I have slowed down … and I have been able to focus more on my family and on change. Geoff and I got sick right around Thanksgiving and we are just starting to feel better. .. And I have a tendency to wallow in self pity when I’m sick. I always feel like I’m gonna be sick forever and never get better. I get totally distracted and forget everything around me that’s going good! … This year has been particularly hard for me, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’ve had SO many doubts and I don’t know how many prayers I’ve said about just wanting to be sure again.
I used to be so sure and certain about everything…and this year, I’ve felt uncertain and doubt about everything! Which is definitely a 180. But, as I’ve realized this, I have really tried to focus on what matters most and tried to re-train my brain to see the positive. To see the good, to accept change and to move on. And I’m still working on it. But in the moments when I’m not doubting, in the moments when I feel joy and peace, I find hope and strength to keep going. And the magic of Christmas only helps. I hope this Christmas, though it looks much different for many of us, we can find the peace and joy that only our Savior can bring.
